


The Birds, the Bees, and the Rose Garden

by AngeliaDark



Category: RWBY
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Crack, Qrow Needs a Drink, Ruby and Oscar Need Counseling, The Talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-17 09:31:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14185995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngeliaDark/pseuds/AngeliaDark
Summary: Qrow and Co. sees how close Ruby and Oscar are, and decide to sit them down to give them all a Talk.  Just a silly little thing I thought was cute.





	The Birds, the Bees, and the Rose Garden

You'd have to be blind to not see how saccharinely adorable the two youngest party members were towards each other.  Even Weiss and Yang, who were relatively new to the group in Mistral, could see it.  The way they still fumbled with physical training despite picking up more skill and laughing it off together, they way they both took their coffees with cream and a ton of sugar (despite Ozpin's look of over-sweetened disgust when he picked the wrong cup by accident after surfacing), and even they way they LOOKED at each other.

It was so sweet it was almost nauseating.

It didn't come to a head until everyone was watching the two spar together and Ruby managed to get in a good leg-sweep to Oscar's ankle, knocking the boy off-balance and stumbling into her.  Ruby managed to catch him and hold them both up, the two of them laughing good-naturedly over it before they just smiled at each other, visible blushes on both their cheeks.  Everyone could have SWORN they saw their faces inch closer to each other before Oscar got his footing and stood up straight, rubbing the back of his head with a sheepish apology.

While everyone's reactions were different-

Nora could only clasp her hands and 'awwwww',

Ren politely averted his eyes,

Jaune arched a knowing brow,

Weiss stifled a laugh,

Yang crossed her arms offensively,

and Qrow's eyes narrowed dangerously

\--everyone had the same idea.

They had to have a Talk.

* * *

 

Everyone was convened in the living room after dinner, a palpable tension in the air that Ruby and Oscar couldn't quite pinpoint, but it was definitely aimed at THEM.  And it was so uncomfortably quiet.  Ruby looked at everyone in turn, nibbling her lip.  "...is...something wrong?" she asked delicately, glancing at Oscar in hopes of an explanation.  The boy shrugged, looking just as confused, obviously having no word from Ozpin.

"We just needed to have a little talk, Ruby," Qrow said, his eyes sliding to Oscar.  "...and Oscar."

Ruby blinked.  "...what kind of talk?" 

More uncomfortable silence. 

Finally, Nora spoke up.  "You see, when a silver-eyed legendary warrior and an immortal reincarnating wizard love each other very much--"

"Nora, no!" Ren yelped, slapping a hand over her mouth.  Qrow sighed, pulling out his flask.

"Well she's not exactly WRONG there," he muttered before taking a swig.  "But yeah, we need to give you THAT Talk."

More awkward, confused blinking from Ruby.  "...I don't follow," she replied.  "A talk about what?  Is it about Salem?"  Next to her, Weiss buried her face in her hands.  Yang gave her friend a supportive pat on the shoulder.

"Uh, no, Ruby, not like that," she said.  "About...relationships."  She could not BELIEVE their dad hadn't given her this Talk yet, though in retrospect perhaps as the older sister she SHOULD have maybe put in a word or two, maybe before the dance at Beacon just to be sure.  But combat always came before anything else in their sideways family, so she shouldn't be surprised.

Regardless, making it to Mistral and finding that her adorable little sister was apparently being extra-friendly with an equally-adorable boy was a surprise indeed.  With any other boy, she'd probably have them in a headlock and Ember Celica cocked and loaded.  But gods above and below, the kid was just as innocent, awkward, and adorable as Ruby.  She wanted to ruffle Oscar's hair and take the kid out for ice cream and punch the lights out of anyone who LOOKED at him wrong.

Less of a desire to hair-ruffle when she found out he was physically hosting the soul of her former headmaster, though it was something she almost constantly forgot about when Oscar was taking command.  But she digressed. 

Ruby tipped her head to the side.  "...relationships?" she echoed back.  "What relationships?  I mean, I have you and dad and Qrow and my friends, what else is there to talk about that I already don't know?"  On the other side of the couch, Weiss was turning pink trying to hold back uncouth snorting.  Qrow's weary look plainly told everyone that he needed to be drunker than this to continue, and made his way to the minibar.

Nora leaned over to Ren.  "You think she's playing dumb on purpose?" she whispered.  Ren closed his eyes and prayed for strength while Oscar's face began to turn red.

Qrow returned from the minibar with the whole bottle and sat down.  "Ruby, Oscar, we're here to talk to you two about sex and romance."

Ruby took a moment to process what he'd said before eeping and turning as red as her hood while Oscar's face went from red to a sickly pale.  

"What!?" Ruby yelped.  "Wha...WHY are we talking about that!?  What brought this up!?"

"Oh come on, Ruby," Yang said, crossing her arms, "you know damn well Dad never gave you the Talk, and it didn't really come up before we left for Beacon.  And since we were on an all-girl team, we never really got to talking about being around boys."

"I was around boys all the time!" Ruby cried, flailing a hand in the direction of Ren and Jaune.  "And I never...WE never...!"  She sputtered before throwing her hands in the air.  "SERIOUSLY, what the heck!?"

"Coed teams WERE a little different," Ren spoke up.  "We had to go to a seminar about it.  If we didn't already have an educational class about it, we certainly got one then.  If we were sharing a room and a bathroom with someone of the opposite sex, we had to have a class on how to handle it."

"The best part was when they gave us those manuals with the condoms in them," Nora chirped, grinning at Jaune.  "I thought Jaune was going to have a panic attack."

Jaune scowled, his cheeks red.  "Not like I needed it," he replied.  "I grew up with seven sisters, I KNOW what to expect living with girls."

"Yeah, just not how to talk to them."

"WE CAN'T ALL BE COMFORTABLE WALKING AROUND IN OUR UNDERWEAR, NORA."

"You're such a virgin!"

They continued to bicker as Weiss slumped off her chair and to the floor, tears streaming down her face as she tried so hard not to laugh.  Yang rolled her eyes.

"You're all so immature," she muttered.  "Not like nobody in this room hasn't seen boobs or dicks before."  Ren buried his face in his hands while Weiss fumbled for a handkerchief to dry her face.  Ruby and Oscar both sat in silence, going redder by the second.  "...oh my gods, you two haven't."

"It's common decency not to look!" Ruby wailed as Oscar looked like he wished to vanish altogether.  

"I practically live by myself in my barn loft," he muttered.  "Seriously, which of the two gods did I piss off to have to endure this?  Why am I being punished?"

"It's not punishment, kid," Qrow said, sitting back in his chair.  "And in any case, it's a decent enough conversation to have...minus the peanut gallery."  He gave Jaune and Nora a look that told them to hush it up before taking a swig from his bottle.  "Alright, I only have enough patience to explain this once, so you'd better listen.  It's not my business if or when you decide to put a sock on the doorknob, but you had better make damn sure to use protection because if I have to end up being a great uncle before all this mess is over-"

"I want to die."  Ruby pulled her hood over her head and face, sinking back in the couch.  "I seriously want to die."

Oscar was staring into space.  "Three months ago I was worried about keeping the goats away from the vegetable sprouts," he murmured.  "What happened to my life."

"What happened is your and Ruby's teenage hormones decided to like each other, and I'm just letting you know what's what."  Qrow took another drink.  "Like I said, WHAT you do is none of my business, but you should be prepared if it does."

"You can always come to me and talk Ruby," Yang said helpfully.  "Weiss and I will be more than happy to give you advice."

"Ooh, you can ask me for advice too!"

"No, shut up Nora.  And you'll have Jaune and Ren to talk to too, Oscar."

Silence from the two youngest.

"Well, alright then," Qrow said, standing with a slight sway.  "I'm gonna go walk this off before the hangover kicks in."  He headed for the door, then doubled back to the minibar to grab another bottle and walked out.

"-and you have NO business calling ME a virgin when you're one too!"

"You can't prove that!"

Yang stood and grabbed Jaune and Nora by the backs of their shirts.  "You're BOTH virgins, knock it off!  Ren, give me a hand before they bring out the weapons."

Ren sighed and helped Yang drag the two bickering virgins out to the balcony.  "If she throws him over the edge, you're going after him."

"Deal."

Weiss, having at last composed herself, looked between the two red youngest members of the party, giving them an amused yet sympathetic look.  "Well, for what it's worth, I think you two are adorable together," she said, standing and brushing her skirt.  "Just remember, Ruby, a lady acts in her best interests, not the man's.  And, Oscar..."  Her eyes went ice cold, Myrtenaster in her hand out of nowhere.

"Hands to yourself and business in your pants unless you want me to freeze and shatter them."

She tossed her ponytail over her shoulder and primly walked out of the room, intending on helping Yang and Ren wrangle in Jaune and Nora.

Ruby and Oscar sat in numb, horrible silence for what seemed like forever, trying to process what exactly they had just been subjected to.  "...they talked a lot," Ruby said, "and yet I learned nothing."

Oscar was cringing slightly, his knees pressed together.  "I learned something.  I learned that it IS possible to physically feel a threat."  Ruby buried her red face in her hands.

"What even WAS that!?" she wailed.  "I smile at ONE guy I like and THIS is what I get!?"  She looked up at the ceiling.  "Seriously, what did I do to deserve that?!"  She pulled her hood over her head and muffled a suffering groan.  Oscar's blush darkened.

"....you really do like me?"

Ruby went silent, then let out an embarrassed wail and zoomed out of the house in a flurry of rose petals, leaving Oscar alone.  The boy rubbed his burning cheeks, feeling a flutter in his guts.  "...oh wow, she really likes me...!"

_"Yes, she does,"_ came Ozpin's voice in the back of his head.   _"And I just want to remind you that anything you might plan on doing, I'll be watching."_ He paused to let Oscar's mental screaming die down.   _"And with that out of the way, I'm going to be telling you what you REALLY need to know about relationships-"_

"QROOOOOOOOW!" Oscar screeched, running out of the house.  

 

 


End file.
